Index of Articles

  1 Depression - When to Seek Professional Help
     Key words: major depression, suicide, antidepressant medicine, counseling, psychiatrist
     Description: Describes major depression, some guidelines about when to seek professional help

  2 Dressing for a Better Body Image
     Key words: body image, self-esteem
     Description: How changing the way you dress can improve body image

  3 Simple Stress Management
     Key words: stress management, health
     Description: lists simple stress management techniques for improved health

  4 Managing Anxiety
     Key words: anxiety, panic attack
     Description: tips for managing anxiety and panic attacks

  5 Tips for Dealing With Depression at Home
     Key words: depression, self-help, counseling
     Description:  Self-help counseling techniques for helping mild to moderate depression

  6 Help for Compulsive Overeating
     Key words:  binge, compulsive, overeating, emotional eating
     Description:  Suggestions to reduce compulsive overeating and advice about which professionals to consult.

  7 Holiday Survival
     Key words:  weight gain, holidays, prevention
     Description:  Describes how to successfully navigate holiday dining events without gaining weight

  8 Improving Your Relationship By Playing
     Key words:  relationship, communication, fun, families
     Description:  Includes tips for improving relationships by planning fun activities together,

  9 Improving Your Self
     Key words:  self-esteem, negative self-talk
     Description:  Describes how to build self-esteem by creating a positive inner coach

10 Skills for Building Better Relationships
     Key words:  relationship, improvement
     Description:  Contains tips for relationship utilizing spring cleaning as a metaphor

11 These Are the Days Make Them Count
      Key words: tips, dreams, life
      Description:  Lists tips by author Lynn Grabhorn for living fully and realizing your dreams

12 Go Ahead, Sweat the Small Stuff
      Key words: free, time, stress
      Description:  Ideas about time management and better prioritizing to decrease stress.

13 Cluttered Room, Cluttered Mind
      Key words: clutter, stress
      Description:  Discusses how changing one's environment can reduce stress.

1 Depression - When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes a depressed mood becomes so severe that self-help techniques are not enough. If your depression worsens and is affecting your ability to function, then it is time to seek professional help. Get counseling from a qualified mental health professional such as a psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, or licensed clinical social worker. In addition, your family doctor or a psychiatrist may be consulted for a medication evaluation. Studies on depression show that a combination of cognitive therapy and antidepressant medication is the most effective means to alleviate severe depression. If you are having self-destructive or suicidal thoughts or know someone who is, seek help immediately. Call your doctor or mental health provider right away or call the local suicide hotline. 911 will work if you are having an emergency.

2 Dressing for a Better Body Image
Quite often people that are unhappy with their bodies tend to dress in sloppy, old, “just cover me up clothing.” In contrast people that feel good about their bodies love to shop and dress in stylish clothes that make them feel good.

If you are trying to change your body image and improve your self-esteem, it is important to dress “as if” you like how you look. Even if you are on a weight loss plan and are intending to lose several sizes, it is important to have one or two outfits that fit and look good. Wearing colors that you like and clothes that are comfortable can inspire you to walk with confidence and better posture. Pretending that you already like how you look can also effect decisions about how you eat and exercise. For example, dressing in baggy sweats may make you less aware of how full you are getting. A new work out outfit may inspire you to go to the gym or get out for a walk.

Several men and women I polled recently said that when they dress for success, they feel more motivated and confident in many areas of their lives. While it is true that clothes don’t make the man or woman, feeling like you look good helps. If you don’t believe this, try it out. You might be surprised at the way you feel.

3 Simple Stress Management          (back to index)
Let’s face it. We live in a fast paced world and managing stress is important. Stress cannot be avoided entirely, but it can be managed better by most of us. Left uncontrolled, stress can lead to ulcers, headaches, emotional overeating, irritable mood and depression. Chronic stress has been linked to serious health problems such as heart attacks and possibly cancer. Here are a few suggestions for quick stress relief:

  1. Breathe. Close your eyes and slowly take 10 breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
  2. Stretch. While sitting, lace your fingers together over your head, and stretch with palms facing up for 20 seconds.         Extend your legs out in front of you and alternately flex and point your feet for 10 seconds. Then with knees slightly       bent stretch forward over knees, grasping ankles. Hold 30 seconds.
  3. Have a cup of tea or a glass of another favorite non-alcoholic beverage. Sip it slowly.
  4. Laugh. Keep funny cartoons or a book of jokes handy. Rent a funny movie.
  5. Take a short walk, swing your arms freely, and breathe deeply.
  6. Nutrition. Take time for a healthy snack such as a piece of fresh fruit or raw nuts.
  7. Drink water. Your body and mind work better when well hydrated.
  8. Talk things over with a friend.
  9. Visualize yourself relaxing somewhere pleasant-lounging on a beautiful beach or sitting by a stream in a sunny meadow.
10. Give yourself a mini massage. Rub your temples, shoulders, and the back of your neck. Rub and knead the bottoms of        your feet. Remember to breathe deeply.
11. Turn on soothing music.
12. Take a warm shower and use fragrant soap. Finish with soothing lotion.
13. Drive less. Avoid unnecessary errands and trips to the store.
14. Have your answering machine screen your calls.

Use these techniques often. Make them part of your daily routine.

4 Managing Anxiety          (back to index)
Everyone experiences anxiety once in a while. All of us have encountered stresses such as being over scheduled, starting a new job, relationship conflicts or finances being tight. These stresses can cause worry and anxiety. However, if anxiety becomes chronic and more severe, you may find it difficult to function in everyday situations at home, work or school. If you have anxiety symptoms such as sleep disturbance, irritability, problems with concentration, feelings of being on edge, muscle tension and fatigue and at least three of these symptoms has lasted over six months, you may suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. In some cases anxiety even leads to panic attacks. Panic attacks are the sudden occurrence of intense fear or terror and a sense of imminent danger or doom. These feelings are accompanied by heightened physiological symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness and an exaggerated startle response. A person having a panic attack may misperceive it as a heart attack. If you or someone you care about suffers from anxiety with or without panic, a medical consult and/or counseling can be very helpful. A professional counselor can help you identify the triggers for your symptoms and help you learn techniques to reduce them. In some cases, medication can be very helpful, especially during the initial phases of therapy.

Here are some self-help guidelines to help you reduce mild to moderate anxiety symptoms at home:
  1. Reality check your fears. Ninety percent of the time our worries are not reality based.
  2. Problem solve. Ask yourself “Is there something that I can do about this right now?” If not, do something else.
  3. Learn relaxation techniques. Practice yoga, learn meditation or buy a tape that can lead you through steps to relaxation.
  4. Exercise to reduce stress and to expend nervous energy.
  5. Simplify your life. Cut out unnecessary errands or activities.
  6. Keep a journal. Identify thoughts or events that precede your anxiety or panic symptoms.
  7. List then let go of what you cannot control in your life. List things that you can control, then focus on these right now.
  8. Make sure that you are getting adequate nutrition. A bad diet can lead to an inability to regulate your mood or
      handle  stress.
  9. Look for opportunities to laugh. Humor is a great stress and anxiety buster.
10. If it looks like someone else is causing your anxiety, refocus on yourself. You cannot change another person. Groups       like ALLANON or CODA can help with this.

Try these techniques for two weeks. If you are not getting results, then consider consulting with a professional.

  1. Look at your self-care. How are you eating, sleeping, and exercising? Hard exercise has been show to decrease       depression, improve sleep and appetite. Good nutrition and rest are vital to beating depression.
  2. Are you dwelling on the past? If so, refocus on NOW. The past is over. What knowledge and strengths have you gained       from your past? You can use these NOW.
  3. Identify and list the things that are not working in your life.
  4. Problem solve alone. What are some solutions? (Start with the easiest ones).
  5. Problem solve with others. Brainstorming with others will offer more solutions.
  6. Decrease or eliminate alcohol, it increases depression.
  7. Change negative self-talk to positive affirmations e.g. “I can get through this.”
  8. What are you doing for enjoyment? Do something new, creative or that you have a passion for.
  9. Listen to uplifting music
10. List what is important to you in your life. Are you giving these areas of your life the energy and attention that they need.
11. Get rid of what is bugging you in your life: junk, shoes and clothes you don’t like, relationships that are not healthy…etc.      If it isn’t useful, meaningful or beautiful, GET RID OF IT.
12. Do something for others. Helping others can lift you out of your “stuff.”
13. Release anger. Anger unreleased is often turned inward. Write it out, run, punch pillows, talk to others.
14. Visualize a better future. How would your life look if it could be how you want it? Are there small steps you can take to      get there?
15. If you are still stuck…you might consider professional counseling. A therapist can often help you make peace with your       past and move through issues that leave you feeling stuck.

*Note- If your depressed mood worsens and you have signs of major depression such as poor sleep, changes in appetite, feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, no sense of enjoyment, -seek help right away. See your physician, a professional counselor, psychologist, or other qualified mental health provider. Medication and professional counseling are most effective when combined to treat major depression. Remember that depressed thinking is distorted thinking. It is not reality based or helpful. IF YOU FEEL SUICIDAL, TELL SOMEONE OR CALL YOUR LOCAL CRISIS HOTLINE OR 911 NOW.

6 Help for Compulsive Overeating          (back to index)
Do you tend to eat when you are not hungry, to binge, or to continue eating even when you are full? If so, you may be a compulsive overeater.

People often overeat in response to stress, anxiety, anger, depression, loneliness or boredom. They use overeating as a way to cope with stress and to numb unpleasant feelings. This emotional eating can be accompanied by acute feelings of loss of control. Although this type of overeating can temporarily reduce negative mood states, afterwards individuals who binge often experience extreme self-criticism and a depressed mood. It becomes a vicious cycle in which an individual uses food to escape a negative mood. However, overeating exacerbates the problem and results in feelings of shame, guilt, and depression.

One of the best techniques to reduce emotional eating is to keep an eating journal. List what you are eating and your mood state. This begins to build awareness about what triggers you to eat. As you begin to see patterns such as “I overeat whenever I’m bored,” then you can come up with alternative ways to cope. For example, when you are bored, you could read, take a walk, or call a friend.

If compulsive eating problems do not improve, you may want to seek out help in person from a qualified mental health professional such as a psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), or Licensed Clinical Social Worker (CSW). In addition, sometimes there are chemical components to compulsive over eating. A psychiatrist or other physician may be able to detect whether or not your condition may be caused by a chemical imbalance. If this is the case your doctor may suggest medication. Combining medication and professional psychotherapy can be an effective way to overcome compulsive overeating.

7 Holiday Survival – Celebrate Without Weight Gain          (back to index)
For individuals who want to lose weight, or are trying to maintain fitness or health goals, the holidays are riddled with obstacles for self-sabotage or over-indulgence. The holidays are a time of year for gathering with friends and loved ones. Most of the time celebratory foods and beverages are served and many of these holiday treats are laden with extra fat, salt, sugar and simple carbohydrates. Every family has their own traditional recipes and foods that are favorites. Eating together is a way of sharing good times and memories associated with special foods that are shared at holiday tables. Often, holiday meals include pressure from well-meaning others who want to make sure that you are having a good time and are not deprived. Here are some survival tricks that others have used to celebrate without unwanted weight gain, feelings of guilt or deprivation.
  1. Moderation- enjoy your favorite foods but just take a small portion of each.
  2. Eat slowly and savor each bite. Your sense of taste becomes dulled after too many bites anyway.
  3. Keep well hydrated. Drink more water and have a big glass before meals.
  4. Have sparking water with lemon or lime between or instead of alcoholic beverages.
  5. Ask for a half glass of wine instead of a whole.
  6. Notice when you are full and wrap up some of your favorite foods for later.
  7. Exercise more and park farther away from stores or work to increase opportunities for walking.
  8. Don’t eat in your car.
  9. Appease friends and relatives by taking some for later or just having a taste.
10. Only eat the foods you like best, don’t waste your time on the rest.

8 Improving Your Relationship By Playing          (back to index)
When was the last time you and your partner did something fun together? If no answer is coming to mind right away, chances are that it has been too long. Living with another person and splitting the chores and responsibilities of work and running a household can be taxing on a relationship. All work and no play is a quick way to kill passion. Often, people put work and family obligations first only to find that they seem to have neither time nor energy left to connect with their partners in life. Resentment can build because one or both partners begin to feel that they don’t seem to have much in common with their significant other anymore. This could be due to the fact that both of them seem to have endless tasks such as grocery shopping, care maintenance, taking children to events and/or caring for aging parents. Furthermore, when they do start to work on their relationship it seems like MORE WORK! They may seek counseling, read self-help books and work on communication skills. But where is the fun and spontaneity that was once so easy for them? The answer may be simpler than you think.

Think back to when you were first dating your partner. Often the date was structured around some sort of activity. You went dancing, to dinner, to musical events, you joked around, or perhaps you mountain biked together or played tennis. You associated this person with FUN. It is often easier to communicate with one another when you are doing something relaxing. You see a hidden side of your partner blocked from expression by the day in day out tasks and life maintenance activities take up most of your time. You might begin by scheduling a date to do something that you both enjoy. Once per week would be a good start. Make it a priority. After that see where you can sneak in a game, lunch rendezvous or a bath with too many bubbles. Get creative and challenge your partner to try some new sport with you. Take walks, star gaze, or cook up some weird recipe and do it together. The possibilities are endless but your time together is not.

Playing together is a way to build closeness and create wonderful memories that you will cherish. If you have children, make time to play with them. Families that play together are closer and have better communication (not to mention more fun!) than those that don’t. But remember, a more fun-filled, playful relationship probably won’t happen unless you schedule it in. Make playtime with your partner a priority. You may find that you have more time and energy than you thought!

9 Improving Your Self          (back to index)
Possible Causes of Low Self-esteem
Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you lack confidence in yourself or feel defective, lacking and prone to failure? If so, it may be worth examining how you talk to yourself. One of the hallmark signs of poor self-esteem is negative self-talk. People with a low self-esteem have internalized a harsh self-critic. They continually tell themselves things like “I am stupid, ugly, fat, or no that no one likes me.” They often engage in all or nothing thinking. “Things will never change.” “My whole life is one big failure.” Or “Nobody will ever really love me.” This negative self-talk reinforces low self-esteem. A good place to start is to ask “Where did these negative messages come from?” Most often the answer lies in the past. Often messages received from parents and teachers are part of the cause of low self-esteem. “What’s the matter with you? Are you stupid?” “Honey, if you don’t lose weight, no one will want you.” Living with a hypercritical partner can also lower self-esteem. As you hear and begin to believe these critics, you may begin to talk about yourself and to yourself in the same way. Then even in the absence of these external critics, your own internal critic takes over.

Reprogramming the Internal Critic
One of the first steps in overcoming low self-esteem is to begin to monitor your self-talk. Make a list of the negative things you tell yourself daily. Include negative things that you tell others about yourself too. Look for and identify “all or nothing” statements that begin with “I’ll never….or I always….” “All or nothing” statements are neither accurate nor helpful most of the time. They tend to exacerbate negative mood states, kill motivation and maintain low self-esteem. Now list your strengths. What are some positive statements you can think of that are true? Also look at your goals. What would you like to do but do not because lack the confidence to try? List some of these things. Once you’ve done this, imagine that instead of an internal critic, you now have an internal coach. This coach replaces old negative messages like ”I could never do that.” With positive “coaching” statements like “You can learn do it, you are a very determined person.” The coach allows for mistakes and breaks goals down into small, manageable steps. When your internal critic acts up, develop a way of saying to yourself (and your external critics whoever they may be) “This is not helping, I’m now choosing to think differently.” Then replace the negative self-statement with a positive coaching statement such as “I’m doing the best I can, I can move forward by changing how I think.” Or “It is okay, I’ll try again later.”

Imagine that You Like Yourself
Spend some time imagining what it might feel like if you really were okay. Think how freeing it would feel to be confident and like your self. How would you walk, talk, dress and eat? If you would treat yourself differently, then see if you can begin to do some of it now. Start today by beginning to Act as if you like yourself, use the inner coach that says “You deserve to be happy, you can do it.” Silence the internal critic when necessary. Replace negative self-talk with statements like “I’m changing, these negative thoughts are not helping.” Whenever the old critic begins, say “This is not helpful, I’m choosing to be more positive.” Be patient with yourself. It takes practice to change your self-talk. But the effort is well worth it. For further help with this, professional counseling is available.

10 Skills for Building Better Relationships          (back to index)
In the spring many people engage in spring-cleaning. It is a time to throw out what is old and no longer useful. We often do this for our homes and cars, but what about our relationships? Relationships can get messy too. We can easily get into negative patterns of behavior that result in increased conflict. Interactions with partners and significant others sometimes require cleaning up and updating. Here are some tips for spring-cleaning your relationships.

  1. Have a relationship vision. If your relationship were going well, how would that look? Take some time out to write this       out. Share your vision with the person with whom you want to improve your relationship. Find out what their relationship       vision would be. Can these be combined?
  2. Learn to be a good communicator. Ask for what you want one hundred percent of the time (realizing that the answer       may be “No”). Use “I” statements and learn reflective listening techniques. Don’t assume that someone else knows what       you want or need. Mind reading is not a skill that many people have. Learn to say “no.”
  3. Invest in your relationship. If your relationship was a bank account, are you making more withdrawals or deposits?       Deposits are kind words, loving actions and romantic gestures. Withdrawals are arguments, name-calling or other       unkind behaviors. You should try for 10 deposits for each withdrawal so your account doesn't go bankrupt. Know your       currencies and your partners' currencies. Be willing to assist your significant others in giving you what you need.
  4. Make your relationships a priority. Modern life fast is paced, and sometimes our relationship needs are skipped over.       Schedule a date. Make time together a priority. Make sure that some of the time is used for pleasure and fun.
  5. Learn to take care of yourself in the relationship. Don’t make someone else responsible to making sure your needs get       met. Take time out to recharge your own battery. Relating to others requires energy. Don’t make changing the       relationship the other person’s job. If change is needed, start with yourself.
  6. Anger management. Anger unreleased=depression. Anger badly released is damaging. Use timeout techniques. Time       outs can be informal or formal. If you argue a lot, pick a peaceful moment and agree ahead of time about how timeouts       will work. Other techniques include journaling, exercise, externalizing the problem.
  7. Know when to get help. There are many good books about couple's therapy and anger management. If you have tried       on your own but the problems you are experiencing are not improving or getting worse, call a professional counselor or       join a therapy group that addresses your particular issues.

11 These Are the Days Make Them Count          (back to index)
In Excuse me, Your LIFE is Waiting, Lynn Grabbhorn writes about how to focus on what you want as opposed to what you don’t want in your life. Here are some of her tips.
• Instead or spending time on worries, allow time to daydream, desire, imagine and intend with energy towards what
   you want.
• Make more statements every day about what you want and why.
• Talk in a nice supportive way to yourself. (Silence the inner critic).
• Think only about what you want (not the lack of it).
• Accept once and for all that you are the creator of your experience (It is not what happens to you that matters what you    tell yourself about it that matters).
• Stay out of the past…; it doesn’t exist.
• Today’s thoughts become tomorrow’s road map.
• Find new ways to feel better everyday, be creative and even outrageous.
• Live in the feeling place you want to be everyday…..shift your thoughts and perception as needed to stay there.
• When all else fails….fake a smile. It helps move the energy and trick the brain.
• Here are some self care tips of mine…
• Thoughts and feelings are energy and they effect you chemistry (Demonstration).
• When all else fails. Go to Self Maintenance. Chop wood and carry water. Eat right, exercise, sleep and drink lots of water.
• Have a sense of humor…..Want to make God laugh? Show him your plan. Quit arguing reality. Joke, watch funny
   movies, play.
• You’ve made it so far……why would it be different now?
• Focus on your strengths and turn the rest over to your higher power.
• Remember that others are doing the best they can and their behavior is ALWAYS about them….not you. This can help with    counter-transference dynamics.
• This can be the time for your best work. Go for it. You have nothing to lose. Experiment on ways of reaching out to
   your clients.
• List your strengths, talents and interests. Start shopping for employment and recreational activities that match. Stay out of    the future unless you are goal setting, moving in an action way towards the goals or day dreaming, creating what
   you want.
• Support one another. Share what is working for you.
• Take time for stillness. Walks in nature, hot baths, meditation etc.         

12 Go Ahead, Sweat the Small Stuff          (back to index)
Sometimes it really is the "small stuff" that makes a difference. Many of us are so busy with our jobs and transporting children, or caring for parents, that we feel overwhelmed by myriad tasks we feel we "need" to do but run out of time for. In addition to the jobs that "need" to be done are those that we'd "like" to get done. These undone tasks sometimes hang there in the back of our minds like cobwebs in the corner, becoming irritating and distracting us from being truly present in the moment. Some examples of these tasks may be: planting or maintaining your garden, taking time to pursue your hobby, cleaning out your gutters, rearranging your bedroom, making an appointment for your pet at the vet, scheduling a haircut, getting the time to have lunch with a good friend, making the arrangements to spend a weekend out of town, or calling your aunt who lives states away and needs to talk since her husband died. These are the types of things that nag you after you go to bed. It seems like there are so many things to do that it is easy to feel paralyzed by indecision and not even know where to start. Many of these tasks are far from life and death situations that must be resolved, yet feel heavy, like a ball and chain you drag around . It can be beneficial to tackle these tasks, weed out the unnecessary ones, and then just take a workday or two to get them done.

How many of you have ever put in a day working for yourself at home? Many of us will work for a boss eight hours or longer, but when it comes time to getting our own needs met we are out of time, energy, or motivation to take care of ourselves and our own environments. Sanctioning a day or even four hours of YOU working for YOU can be very freeing and empowering. It is enough time to make a difference. I've found that this technique helps free me up to enjoy the other parts of my life and that it helps improve my focus. I feel more in control of my life and more effective. With a block of uninterrupted time, it is amazing what a person can accomplish.

Try making a small list of goals that could be accomplished in one day and that might lighten your load or bring you pleasure. Take control of your time by scheduling it in and then making it a priority. Maybe it is framing or hanging some artwork that would inspire you. Or actually blocking out time for a hike with a friend or even something as mundane as throwing out all the single socks from the wash to free up the time you used to spend searching for the lost mates. By taking a block of time and dedicating it to what you feel is important or would help improve the quality of your life, you may find yourself with more energy and reduced stress, less anxiety and more freedom. Do this once a month, or more often if possible. Then you will probably have much less need to "sweat the small stuff."

13 Cluttered Room, Cluttered Mind          (back to index)
Sometimes the physical surroundings, in which a person chooses to live, reveal what is going on with them mentally. For example, someone feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious may be surrounded by stacks of papers, baskets of laundry, and piles of junk mail. The person must dig through this clutter to find what is needed or useful. This disarray adds to the confusion and stress that the person is already experiencing.

In therapy clients are encouraged to rid themselves of negative thought patterns and past issues that are cluttering their lives and holding them back from moving towards their goals. Many of these clients have found it helpful to set the stage for mental change by beginning to clear out useless items and junk at home or in their offices. By letting go of anything that is not truly useful, beautiful or meaningful, they are less stressed, more motivated and more likely to enjoy what they keep.

At first, clearing the mental clutter can be a difficult exercise. Letting go of "old stuff" sometimes involves remembering past experiences and relationships. Sometimes it brings up emotions such as anger or sadness. However, it is best to feel the feelings, and then imagine letting them go as you throw out what you no longer need. This process can be very healing. In general, cleaning is a good release for anger. Scrubbing, scouring, and throwing things into boxes while remembering something that angered you can be cathartic (a great release). You then free up mental space and physical room for positive thoughts and new objects that can be more inspirational and useful.

It is usually best to start with one area or room at a time. For example, get rid of all the junk mail on the hall table or clean out your closet. Get rid of clothes that no longer fit or that you have not worn in the last year. The reluctance to throw them out can be lessened by giving the items to charity so that someone else can enjoy them. A good motto is "When in doubt, get rid of it!" Sometimes it is helpful to have a friend with you to support your effort to part with the past. A friend can spur you on when you are feeling weak or want to give up. Be sure to reward yourself when you are finished. Take yourself out for a treat: a night out or a massage works well. As you rid your room and your mind of clutter, you will probably gain momentum and experience a new sense of clarity, space, and freedom.     (back to index)